Thanks for all the emails, calls & general inquiries about my lack of posts. Let's see if I can explain...
First, you probably need to know that for my entire adult life, I have dealt with depression. My depression does not take the form of sadness & tears. Rather, it shows up as everything feeling overwhelming.
When life is that overwhelming, I tend to completely shut down. Then everything seems to fall apart around here. This leads to chaos. Being the person I am, I do not function well in chaos. I get overwhelmed, not knowing where to start, which leads to an even deeper feeling of overwhelmingness. And the cycle continues.
Then, all I want to do escape. In college, it was sleeping. Recently, it's been in books or in TV dramas (although, quite honestly, I'd rather escape in sleep, however with 4 kids, that's not an option. :) ) And of course, this escaping does no one any good, because it add to the chaos.
In the past couple of years, my depression has even taken on physical symptoms...last year, it was tremors. This year, my muscles twitch, all the time...usually in my eye lids or calves...strange, I know.
I have tried going off meds at times, with it returning worse than before. Because of that, I have chosen to stay on the meds. However, during the spring & summer, my dosage gets lowered & everything is fine. Then fall hits & bam, the cycle starts all over again. (And for some reason, I tend to be surprised by it...taken off guard. However, it was really helpful for me to go back to last October posts & see that this happened at the same time last year. :) )
So, that's where I'm at right now. Posting has been overwhelming (as well as much of the rest of my life). I got a little behind, then a lot, then where do I even begin? :) Sounds ridiculous, right?. But now you know.
So, I will start from today & if I'm able, I will work on past posts, one at a time. Stick with me. And have no fear, I will be fine soon...going to the doctor's in the next couple of days. But as I said before, thanks so much for your concerns.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
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6 comments:
You are speaking to the choir, sister. The cycle never ceases to surprise me, and then of course comes the self recrimination, like how could I let this happen again.
I would say, "feel better soon", but as someone who struggles with depression, I know it's not that simple. I hope you have peaceful moments and that those moments extend into peace filled hours and perhaps days (though with four kids, perhaps peace isn't the best word, but you know what I mean).
Take care.
And one more thing, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope her surgery goes well. Prayers for her and her family.
Hang in there Chris - and thanks for your honesty and openness. Brighter days are ahead somewhere?
We have missed your posts and worried about you. thank you for sharing. The fact that you shared is an inspiration to those of us who would rather sleep than face an October day. Thanks!
Yeah, she's ba-aack! Glad to see your post and I do sympathize with your situation. Thanks for sharing. May the Lord lift you up!
Your honesty and candor is amazing... and so simply true!! So many of us struggle with those emotions. just wanted you to know that you are not alone in feeling that way! The rest of us just aren't as candid.
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