Not such a fun topic

As I write entries for this blog, I try to keep them kind of light, an enjoyable read, for us & hopefully for you, too. Today, though, I'm going to veer from that a little.

I'm finding that too many times that when people ask how I'm doing & I reply honestly, they are slow to listen, empathize or even assure me that, "You will make it through this." However, they are quick to assure me that, "These years pass too quickly, enjoy them now", "Just wait until they're older...little kids, little problems, big kids...big problems", or "But Chris, your girls are so cute. I'm sure it's OK". I do not write this to receive sympathy replies or email, rather, I write this for two reasons:

1. I want to validate any of you with young ones that feel like this time in your life will never end.
2. I don't want to forget how hard it is sometimes. I don't want to be the one giving pat answers someday.

Yesterday, there were about a million things on my mind & right around supper making time, one more thing was added & I honestly thought I was going insane. My heart started racing, I was having a little bit of a hard time breathing & I started getting really shaky. I swear it felt like the walls were closing in around me. I'm pretty sure that I had a mini anxiety attack. UGH! Luckily, Colin had soccer practice, so I was able to go & sit by myself for an hour or so. That really helped.

I know & cling to God's promise that, "He will not give me more than I can handle", but honestly, most days, I'm just not sure I'm cut out to be the mom of 2, three year olds (not to mention, a 6 & 9 year old). What was God thinking?!? :)

I came to the realization the other day that in any other profession, you have the option of saying that you don't like your job. That is except for parenthood. If you do, people assume that you don't love your children. That's simply not true. I love them more deeply & fiercely than I ever thought possible.

But if the truth be known, I'm just plain bored & overwhelmed all the time, at the same time. (Poor me, huh?) There's always laundry, dishes, piles to sort & vacuuming to do, but nothing really to separate or give meaning to my days. I know that I am completely privileged to be at home with the kids, to train them & just be with them, but many days I feel like I have no other purpose than being a glorified maid. I honestly feel like my brain cells are shriveling each day that I'm home...that's not good. At the same time, I know that working more outside of the home will only add other types of stresses.

I'm convinced that this is where I'm to be in my life & I think that that's what makes these admissions even harder. There's more that I could write, but I think this will be enough to jog my memory in the future. Thanks for allowing me to share.

There you have it, that's me...Super wreck! :)